Party with R last night. It was OK. I’m getting more friendly with the female partners of his friends now through dint of contact. I really like a couple of them. The age difference between me and him doesn’t make a lot of difference to us. What is awkward though is the difference between my age and his friends. It’s a whole generational thing. Their attitudes and life experiences are also very different, which I suppose is to be expected, given that some of them are over 20 years older than me. I just feel a bit constrained in what I say and what topics are acceptable. Things such as attitudes towards homosexuality, what they see as normal and acceptable. I suppose really it feels a bit like being with people of my parents generation. I feel as if I have to be on my best behaviour with them.
One thing that I’m really ashamed to write about though, is the feeling that I have that it is people of THEIR age that should be going through what I am (the hospital years) instead of me. It doesn’t seem fair that they’re retired and are of an age where one could reasonably expect to have failing health. Instead its me, the productive member of society that is having heavy duty medical intervention and having to face her own mortality. Urgh. Selfish self centred cow.
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