71. Don't want to

R's birthday yesterday so he had some friends round last night.  Should have been nice but wasn't because I'm dreading chemo today.

It's depressing me.  I don't want to have stuff that is going to make me feel like death for 4 days.  I'm scared.  2 days of vomiting every hour.  I didn't want to get up.  I didn't want to have to line up the medication ready for later.  I didn't want to have to sort out my clothes because I won't be up to it for a week. 

I HATE this.

Oh and my boob hurts.  My underarm hurts.  My arm aches.  My libido is zero and I'm officially menopausal now.  The TWO consultants I saw both said my lump is probably OK but I'm still scared and worried its another tumour.  If they're wrong I could die.  Nice gamble.