It's only hours since my last post. It's 6am though and I'm having a bit of a wobble. Two reasons. That two year thing keeps going through my head. For two years I've got to be excessively vigilant and check religiously for lumps (well, forever really but...). For two years I'm going to be terrified. And I'm really, really tired of being scared all the time. While I'm scared I'm not having a proper life and if this is all the life I've got left I don't want to waste it being scared.
I'm also wobbly because my daughter misses me and I'm not there. I feel really guilty that I'm ill and she can't see me, although I don't want her to see me being ill after chemo. I feel even more guilty that I might die and leave her. I've been crying for an hour now and writing this has set me off even more. Bugger. This really is SHIT.
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