179. Shrinking

Psychiatrist today.  It was a last minute booking because I’d missed an appointment last week.  I’d totally forgotten it had been prebooked for just before my hysterectomy.  I got up late, left the house late and got stuck in traffic.  Despite my initial tardiness, I managed to get into town early enough to get to the appointment with 10 minutes to spare.  The usual magazines were there so I read for a bit until the psych got there – late ironically.

I don’t know what happened really.  Obviously, I’d gone to deal with however I might be feeling about my hysterectomy but ALL the stuff that’s going on for me came spewing out.  India, the house stuff, the NEXT op – the mastectomy and reconstruction, my weight, hell, even this damn blog was mentioned. 

I was in tears a couple of times, without really knowing why.  I’d realised a couple of days ago that I was showing signs of depression.  I also recently had the revelation that  I have at NO POINT so far reflected on what I’d be doing now if I hadn’t had cancer last year; where I’d be, what I’d be doing.  It also occurred to me when I came out that I hadn’t mentioned my shoulder and how I’m being referred for a scan to double check it isn’t cancer. 

It’s so obvious now I’ve thought about it.  There is just far too much going on for me at the moment.  Some I can’t help.  Most in fact.  I want the operations because they give me a better chance of living.  I can’t help but worry about my daughter. 

The psych also said I need to make more effort to do things that I enjoy if I’m battening down the hatches due to depression.  So.  Chick flick this weekend I think.