191. Day 10

Feeling loads better.  Probably because I’ve accepted that I won’t bounce back the way I’d expected.  I spend a lot of time lying around, in bed, watching TV.  That’s OK.  I’ve acclimatised.  Previously, I found it hard to concentrate on TV.  I’ve got a hugely short attention span and as a rule, can only watch a small screen for a few minutes. Now though, I’m totally gripped by utter crap such as ‘Australian Border Patrol’, ‘Location, Location, Location’ and ‘Four in a Bed’ (NOT porn, 4 B&B owners who rate each other). 

Have had another couple of ‘intimate interludes’.  R has been very weird about sex.  I tried to talk to him about it, but he wasn’t having any of that touchy feely discussion shit.  THEN when I was waffling on one night in bed about being nervous about resuming penetrative sex, he said with feeling ‘Me too!’.  So that’s it then.  I don’t blame him.  My body has been poisoned, drugged, cut, stitched.  My boobs are totally different.  One is ‘normally’ saggy for a woman my age, with a huge crater in it and the nipple is either numb or only minimally sensitive.  The other looks like the breast of a 15 year old BUT with an obviously stitched back on nipple and a weird lump under my arm.  And NOW my fanny is a dead end street.