194. 2 weeks post op.

2 appointments today.  Plastics at 1.  Opticians for I at 2.45.  We went to both, together.  I was glad it was only a plastics appointment.  While I want her to know the reality of my treatment, I don’t want her worrying unduly. 

My plastics appointment was with the specialist plastics breast nurse.  She’s very well versed in what is and isn’t possible in breast reconstruction.  I explained at length how my breast reduction had left me unmatched again and how my intention had been to try to keep my nipples.  She brought in the idea again of having one made.  At the time of the appointment, I didn’t disagree with her, but when I went away and thought about it, it made me angry.  I want my own nipples. 

The optician was good. I found frames that she liked. 2 pairs. Mummy, of course paid. Oh well. She’d had no birthday present. 

The next day, yet more shopping. This time to get her birthday present from Granny. My mother has 4 nieces. I is the one she sees the least. So she’d decided that it wasn’t fair that I gets the least and instructed me to buy her a GOOD present. I had chosen an iPod. Expensive but worthwhile. She’s got a long walk to work everyday so uses it all the time. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We had a lovely time together during her visit.  Usually we can’t be together for more than a couple of days without bickering, but this time we managed it.  She was very thoughtful, offering to rub my feet and massage my hands.  It was nice that she was nice, but made me a little concerned that she was worrying about me.  I mean, I’m glad she cares but don’t want her to worry.  Cancer IS crap.  But as long as I’m OK I don’t want it to impact on anyone’s lives too much. 

 

Our time together was too short.  While we can’t live together and while I’m happy up North, the cancer has made me fret about the lack of time I get with my girl now.  When we bickered all the time, it was good that the distance improved things between us, but now that we’re enjoying each others company I miss her. But I don’t want to move back down South because the hospitals here are SO much better than where I come from.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incidentally, I told me that when she’d seen her granny the weekend before, they’d talked about my uncle.  He’s my dad’s brother.  I don’t see my dad anymore, or my uncle.  Big issues to do with child abuse with my dad.  Money, with my uncle. Anyway, I digress.  My uncle had lymphoma when he was in his 40’s.  I didn’t know much about it, but I remember MY granny telling me.    What I didn’t realise was that my uncle has also had prostate cancer (as did his father, my granddad) and throat cancer.  And survived both of them.  My mum had bumped into him in the city one day.  I assume my name had come up because of the breast cancer.   

 

Apparently, my uncle had said he’d like to establish contact again.  I’m in two minds about it.  Part of me thinks that I want nothing to do with them.  He, his wife and my two cousins cheated my brother and me of our share of our grandparents inheritance.  However, another part of me thinks that it would be some sort of support re: the cancer.  I don’t know really.  Maybe at the least I should give the geneticist my uncle’s name.  She could track him down to the N&N hospital and see if he’s been tested for BRCA1.