201. Ahhhhhh

So Monday was back to work.  Monday was about getting settled in again.  Which I did. 

Tuesday was for getting stuff done.  Sorted. 

Wednesday.  Well, Wednesday, today, I was on cover.  Cover for B, the male teacher who has the BRCA gene.  The one who had the sister that died of breast cancer.  He and his wife have gone to London to have in vitro fertilization (IVF) and pre-implantation diagnosis (PGD).  He understandably doesn't want his children to have the gene he has. 

Anyway, I covered his lessons.  Lesson 1 was OK.  Nice year 10's.  A few of whom were my year 9's from last year so I had a nice catch-up with them.  Lesson 2 - uh oh!  Bolshy year 11's.  Bit of a handful, a dictionary got chucked.  But then, remarkably, I managed to get round them and we had a fab lesson.  They worked, asked my advice, took it, and were lovely. 

But Lesson 3.  Well.  Fucking amazing.  Year 13 Literature.  Wow.  They'd been reading the novel, The Kite Runner and were looking at feminist literary analysis.  I browsed the handout and off we went.  M, from my form and my English group 2 years ago was there.  Two months ago I talked her into not dropping literature and she's still there.  It was AMAZING.  We had a fantastic discussion, ending up by discussing WHY Shakespeare could write strong women in a time when women had no rights when modern male writers tend to produce size 0, fuck-me-heeled bimbets.  When the light bulb went on (to try to make women more controllable, put them back in their place) it was one of those goose pimple moments.  And in a cover lesson.  I LOVE my job!

(here is an article about  in vitro fertilization (IVF) and pre-implantation diagnosis (PGD))

http://blog.dslrf.org/?p=37

200. Back to work

Day 26

Sunday.  Evening.  Back to work in the morning.  NOT QUITE Sunday night syndrome but almost.  It’s nuts.  I hated going off on the sick again for this op and was really quite upset about it.  Now I don’t want to go back to work. 
Typical.

199. Hot, hot, hot

To the GP today for various issues.  I have a list of 5 topics.

Back to work.

OK to drive?

X-Ray results

Bone scan request

Referral to triple negative expert

I feel well.  I feel normal, other than not being able to get up any earlier than 10am.  Therefore I must be well enough to be back at work. 

If I’m well enough to be back at work, I’m well enough to drive.  Did a couple of short journeys in the car to test myself and was completely capable.

My shoulder x-ray results were pretty much inconclusive.  Hopefully not cancer.  Could be arthritis.  So pretty much a waste of time really.

Leading to the bone scan.  This was agreed by my oncologist to ensure the cancer hasn’t metastasized to the bone.  If it has, I’m not going to bother having the double mastectomy and reconstruction.  No point really if the cancer has spread already.  But the scan hasn’t been arranged yet.  Why not?

One of the girls from the support group found a triple negative expert who works at Guys Hospital in London.  She contacted him and has arranged to be referred to see him by her GP.  I’d like the same. 

Very nice GP, mine.  He agreed to everything pretty much.  And he’s very kind, and listens well, and is very good looking.  I’m turning into one of those middle aged women who lusts after her doctor.  Sad old bag.

198. More bad news

My friend in the US has died.  I sent a card 10 days ago.  I hope she got it.  She wasn't much older than me.  Has a 15 year old daughter.

I have no words. 

197. Hanging in there

No updates from K.  She is however in touch with W.  I've got the urge to grab all the girls and hug them.  Make the most of them. 

To this end, I arrange to meet W for coffee.  A few others arrange to be there but on the day can't make it.

I'm really, really glad I went.  W looks lovely.  Same smiley, cheerful, LOVELY face.  We have a great chat; cry a couple of times.  Talk about death.  About leaving children (she has a 5 year old).  About faith, beliefs.  The worst isn't dying, we agree.  The worst is being left behind.  We cry again. 

196. Utterly unfair.

NEBB.  My girls.  Friends.  Supporters.  Sufferers.  Brave.

There are the original group.  There's 'my' era.  And there are 'new' members.

The original group is falling by the wayside.  They're moving on and just check in occasionally.

'My' era are mostly back at work but are still active members. 

The 'new' members are mostly in current treatment. 

K is a 'new' member.  She was scheduled for surgery about a month ago.  None of us had heard from her until she handgrenaded a FB update.  No surgery.  Her cancer is too far advanced and has spread.  She's hoping to make it to Christmas.  Currently in a hospice but hoping to go home to spend time with her husband, toddler and baby.  Yes, baby. 

NEBB were in shock.  No one knew what to say.  What utter, utter, shit.  How can this happen? 

195. Chilling

So.  The day I went home, Nat arrived.  Again, lovely, lovely to see her.  Yet another person I miss from home.

We had a fab time during her visit.  I didn’t want to do the Turner exhibits but I did so went with Nat.  I expected not to like them but a couple absolutely gripped me.  Particularly one very ephemeral one made of paper and poster paint.  It was very gentle and childlike and evoked all sorts of warm, safe feelings.  I very much enjoyed it and came away feeling quite soothed.  My take on art is that it is meant to be enjoyed or at least meant to make the viewer FEEL something so by my standards, that particular entry was a huge success. 

While she was here, N cooked for me and drove me to Barter Books.  THAT was a lovely day.  It was rainy and drizzly outside, I was in a bit of discomfort from the hysterectomy and bleeding more than I’d hoped to, but managed to collect a pile of books, nab a seat on a sofa by the blazing open fire and had a pair of black spaniel puppies dozing at my feet (another browser’s dogs).  It was one of those moments when you know all is right with the world.  Big sigh.  Fadeout…