Hmm. Couple of not so good days. No side effects from the chemo, other than having gone off hot drinks (go figure?) but mentally...
My boob's been sore and hard and swollen. I did get a bit carried away a few days ago and forgot to be careful of it, during sex, but nothing major. No S&M or anything, just a normal romp. But I don't think it was anything warranting the discomfort and pain I've been having. I've gone back to wearing the soft bra I had at first and for one night wore no bra at all and I think it's a little better.
The real problem is with my head though. How do I know what is normal about my boob now? How do I know if the lump is a real lump or scar tissue? And who do I tell? The breast nurses make me a feel a bit as if I'm a hystercial woman (and?) but I'm nervous of going to the GP because I feel as if they won't really know one way or the other. Which means I spend my time walking around, thinking that maybe I still have cancer and therefore that maybe I'm going to die. Which puts me back in the bubble where others can see and hear me, and I them, but nothing manages to get through. Because facing death is something we do alone. No one can come with us to share or lighten the burden. Fuck.
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