Home today. Although I'm not sure up north feels like home really. I'm not sorry to be going but I do feel a bit rootless now. I'm happy to have my treatment up there but East Anglia feels like home.
It's been a good visit. I met up with two friends that I haven't seen for a year and a half. It was amazing. I felt as if no time had passed at all. No distance, no awkwardness, just nice. Things have obviously changed though. I don't work with them anymore (we all taught at the same school in Ipswich). N has a new, hopefully permanent man, K is now a figure of authority at school, I have cancer. Hmmm, short straw or what.
Real feeling of deja vue to the day though. We went to Norwich for the day from school as a well being trip once a couple of years ago and I was MISERABLE then. This time, I was actively happy (rather than just default happy) and really aware of it. I have no idea why really. I think cancer really has seen off my stupid day-to-day irritations and discontents and focused me on what is important. Which is... love really. I know it sounds daft and right on man-ish but it's true. I'm aware now of how many people care about me in a way I wasn't before and I'm really grateful and pleased that I inspire that in so many people. Far more than I thought. A grumpy, opinionated old bag like me.
My nieces have been lovely and very supportive this visit too. Once of them told me how much she admired me for being so brave about it all. Ha. They should read this blog! Brave my ass.
Things with I were nice. She's being normal again, which is just the way I want it. It's nice when she's kind and supportive but it makes me feel like I'm bloody dying! She didn't want to see my head (neither does R) which upsets me a bit. I feel as if they should just accept me the way I am. I don't look bad, bald, so if I can accept it, they should be able to as well.
My daughter did love my wig though and wore it when we went out to dinner. Hilarious. I hate it and either go without any head covering or wear scarves and my Muslim skull caps. She can have it once my hair grows back. Good riddance!
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