63. All in the head?

I’ve been stressing about the 2nd lump. Is it real or isn’t it? It’s the one that I think I found on results day. It’s been examined by:

My surgeon

A breast care nurse

My oncologist

And I’ve had it ultrasounded by the woman who initially diagnosed me (but I think she may have missed it because I had such a huge seroma – 250 mls drained off).

The symptoms/appearance
Feels hard and spherical although not completely round, just like the first lump
It shows through my skin
It has the ‘orange peel’ skin appearance
It isn’t painful


I really want to believe that it isn’t a tumour. WHO wants more cancer? But if it is another lump, I want to know. Take the fucker out.

Anyway. I’ve stressed myself to the point where it’s waking me up at night so I emailed S. He told me to contact my breastcare nurse and if she didn’t help to contact my consultant (which one? Surgeon or oncologist?). He also told me if they hadn't done something by Friday he'd make phone calls.  Yet again, I'm SO grateful I've got him.  He feels like a safety harness. 

I was awake at 6.30am anyway so emailed the nurse. She phoned back later. I definitely think they think I’m neurotic. I think maybe I am. But it IS a real lump whether I’m building it into cancer when it’s just breast tissue or not. I think the only thing that will really set my mind at rest is if they biopsy it.

I must be crazy. Woman with needle phobia WANTS needles shot into her recently operated on breast. But I can imagine the rush of relief if it isn’t cancer. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!