Friday, 10 September 2010

38. Up and down

Saw the original breast care nurse yesterday.  The one that was at my first and second appointments.  She's lovely.  She looked at my boob and thankfully said it wasn't a seroma again.  This time it's a haematoma which means it DIDN'T need draining.  Ye ha!  I texted S when I got out of the hospital just to make sure.  If he thinks what they're doing is OK I feel safe. 

Things are better with R now too.  Got the sex thing sorted.  Thankfully.  I know I'm shallow but still...  As a result, slept very well last night, which means I feel better today.  When I got to work, I realised my period was starting, which accounts for my over emotional state.  That too is a relief.  Tears and bad moods that aren't down to the cancer are normal.  Normal is good. 

Went into my year 12 group to give them a little pep/warning talk about fucking around for the supply.  This part of the module is really important; it lays the foundations for everything else they do for the remainder of year, including coursework AND the exam.  I'm glad I did; it was fabulous to see all my favourites sitting there in my lesson but gutting to know I'm not teaching them now.  I think I need to set myself the target of being back before the summer next year to keep me going, the way I set myself the target of going to results day five days after my op.  Teaching, or more accurately, teaching THESE wonderful kids gives my life such meaning and value.  I even said a prayer, in the car on the way to work today, to be allowed to do more of it.  I'm really glad I've been privileged enough to do it but I want more, I'm not done yet.

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