41. Manic

Well.  Oncologist was OK.  Nothing too unexpected.  There was some bad news.  Apparently.  The receptors on the surface of my tumour are unresponsive to female hormones and therefore I can't have hormone treatment.  It was bad news.  I don't know why and didn't want to ask why.  I think I've got enough to worry about (and I am worrying, irritating as it is, given that most of what I've had has been good news) without sweating about complicated stuff.

The chemo I'm having is called FEC, which is an anagram of the drugs I'm having.  1 days treatment, every 3 weeks.  Which is better than I thought.  I thought the cycle was 4 weekly.  That reduces the treatment time by 6 weeks.  I MAY be back at school before GCSE's start, meaning I might get to teach my kids again this year. 

Side effects can be hair loss (purple wig.  R's idea.  Fabulous!!!  It'll look fake anyway so why not go the whole way.), sickness, tiredness (read exhaustion) and there is a one in 10,000 chance of damage to the heart.  The heart damage isn't immediately obvious and when it does manifest, doesn't do so until between 10 and 20 years later.  If I develop a heart problem in 20 years it will mean I've survived cancer.  They're currently doing a trial into the part DNA plays in the side effects suffered while having chemo and need volunteers.  I've got the stuff at home to read, although I suppose I'll agree to take part.  It doesn't involve TOO much more time at hospital, which is the main thing.  I want my LIFE to be the main point of my existence, not just the treatment. 

I was given the choice of when to start treatment so asked if I could start in a week and a half or so.  That would JUST give me time to finish the Frankenstein orals with year 11.  C at work gave me a bit of a telling off, worrying about the kids and work, but I can't separate this stuff out, it's too big a part of who I am.  It's not just a job; sadly enough it's the major part of my life. 

Out to the movies afterwards with the wife of a friend of R's.  Lovely, lovely film; Alamar.  Very gentle, calm and beautiful.  GORGEOUS male lead.  Made Johnny Depp look plain.  Beautiful lustrous mane of hair, deep and sincere eyes and full brown lips.  Umm.