Very very dodgy night. R was exceptionally restless so I only got a couple of hours sleep. Any other night, I've have given up and gone home, but I really couldn't face being on my own given how I was feeling about 'results day'. Because I was tired and scared, I snapped at him a couple of times. I knew I wasn't being fair, but couldn't help myself.
I'd got the time of my appointment wrong, 9.30am instead of 9am, so instead of running a little late, we were actually ready early. One less stress. Typically though, it was hurry up and wait. By the time the physio called me in for a quick chat, it was almost 10. By the time we got into the clinic room, it must have been 10.15. Not that waiting would usually bother me, but under the circumstances...
A nurse I hadn't seen before came and took off my dressings and then left us to wait for the consultant. I was on one side of the curtain, R was on the other. I sat and looked at my boob. Not ugly, especially considering the scar will fade. He hadn't seen it so I went around the curtain to show him. I thought it looked OK.
Mr. S. the consultant that did my surgery came in with a different nurse. I was really nervous but showed him the lump. To my HUGE relief he asked the nurse to arrange an ultrasound. Then... results. No cancer in the lymph nodes as he'd thought. No evidence of cancer spread. At this point, briefly I stopped listening, slumping onto my arm on the desk. I felt a huge wave of relief sweep over me.
Probably only seconds, but when I came to R was asking about the blue dye to the left of my nipple. It will fade within 3 or 4 months. Mr. S also told me that the cancer was an irregular shape, 2.4cm at its largest point. He outlined my chemo. 6 cycles. A cycle is a day, followed by a 3 week break. Radiotherapy for 15 days, Monday to Friday over three weeks. I'm having chemo because my cancer was a grade 3, fast growing and possibly recurring. Also because of the size of the tumour. Hey, I'm HAPPY to have the treatment. Maximize my chances. Hit me with WHATEVER you've got.
After he left, the nurse took us to the breast assessment area. I thought I'd have to wait ages for the ultrasound (same day service? In the NHS? Amazing!) so I sent R off. He hates sitting around and there wasn't any need. Needless to say, 10 minutes after he'd gone I was called in. The same radiographer that gave me the news 2 months ago. It was LOVELY to see her under happier circumstances. We had a really nice chat and I told her how much difference she and her nurses had made, despite the earth shattering news they'd given me. And good news this time! Fluid. They drained it there and then. It wasn't nice, probably the worst bit of any treatment I've had so far (bloody lucky really, considering the amount of needles I've had, not to mention the operation). Although she'd numbed the area, I could feel something click inside as she moved the needle into different areas. They counted as they drained, in 20ml increments. 250 mls of fluid. Yuk! I could feel the container on my abdomen warming as it filled. The thought made me feel really sick.
Then back to see Mr. S. Just fluid. Cancer all gone!!!! A couple of steri strips where the wound was reopening at the bottom and me and my sadly shrunken and shrivelled boob were out of there!
Later, went to buy my third bra in 3 weeks. Strap 'em flat! I'm now on first name terms with the Bravissimo girls.
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