Yesterday was hellish; being passed around from one area of the local hospital to another. Cancer is bad enough, people not only not helping, but being actively unhelpful and dismissive is horrific when your life is in their hands. I was a mess at work. Only just in control of myself in front of the kids again (fortunately they're lovely and endlessly sympathetic) although things eased up once I was assessing them. Focusing on one specific thing was a real relief, as was the realisation that they remembered really well what I'd taught them. A couple unfortunately underperformed, but given my new focus, I didn't stress and therefore the kids didn't either.
Back in the English office, it was a different story however. Poor C. had to talk me down from my hysteria and was really kind. In the end I accepted that I would have to leave work early, yet again, because I just couldn't cope being in an environment where I was supposed to present a professional demeanor. Just as well she had calmed me down, because half way through lesson 3 one of the kids from my year 11 Literature group came and got me. They'd got me a couple of cards and they'd all signed them and added personal messages; about my nagging them, about coursework, about being worried they wouldn't get their grades without me. I was OK. I looked but didn't read at the time, but later, at home, I read them all and cried buckets. I don't want to leave them either.
I had a couple of errands to run, so went and did mundane stuff, which helped me calm down a little, as did the drive home. I had some WHSmith Vouchers, so went and chose some books. While driving home I remembered S and sent him a text, telling him what had happened (given that it was his advice to phone the hospital). He told me to phone the consultants secretary immediately, which I did as soon as I got home. I explained what had happened to her (including the bit about the nurse saying she'd never heard of the oncology consultant) and she said she'd contact bookings and get back to me. What a relief to speak to someone even vaguely sympathetic!
Feeling somewhat calmer, I made a cup of tea and started one of my new books. 4 chapters later I checked my phone; a voicemail. A nurse, calling to book my chemo appointment! I called her straight back, given that it was 4.58, I was worried I may have left it too late, but no. No messing around, she booked my chemo start date for Thursday - 2 days away. Previously, I'd been concerned about the pupil assessments I was halfway through doing. Not anymore.
The relief when I got off the phone was immense. Thank goodness I'd asked S what I should do. Thank goodness the secretary had intervened. Scary though, that it was necessary to do so much to ensure I got the treatment I'd been told was required. What would have happened if I hadn't persisted and hadn't had someone to help me through the maze?
So. Today I'm at work, sorting, clearing; viewing this pretty much as the end. I've managed to disassociate myself somewhat from the kids, which is a relief, because otherwise this would be too hard. And have just heard I've got a speeding ticket. Just as the previous points have dropped off my license. Ce la vie
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