STILL being a total pain in the backside, hysterical and ALMOST out of control. Why the fuck can't I just turn this response off?
After reading the mag article, I've spent a couple of days trying to calm myself down, with varying degrees of success. I'm sleeping OK but waking really early, although just, just within normal bounds, so I can just get up for the day if I want to. I've been irritable, snappy and standoffish. Which I suppose is better than clingy.
Then I got the letter from the hospital which I assumed was about my chemo. The date is a month away. I'd been blithely assuming that it was starting in a week, given that the Doc had agreed with me when I gave him a date. Waiting longer, in my mind, increases my chances of the cancer reappearing (or getting bigger if there is another tumour in there). After a couple of hours of full on mania, bordering on hysteria, I realised it wasn't my chemo appointment but was the follow up they weren't able to book at my last appointment because the receptionist wasn't at her desk.
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