132. Get her!

This is where it really gets funny.  I’m fuming about his gittishness.  I’m no longer talking to him although I’m trying to stay polite and answer his text messages.  I ignore the phone calls.   

It’s heading towards the Easter holidays.  I’m a bit unsure about what to do over Easter.  My daughter doesn’t have any time off and I don’t really want to travel down South to see my family if my daughter’s not going to be there.   The two weeks feel as if they’re looming in front of me.   

While I was having chemo, I’d promised myself a holiday.  In the days immediately after chemo, when I was tied to the bed by sickness, exhaustion and dizziness and dozed intermittently, I dreamed of swimming in a bay in Greece that I’d been to a few years before.  The water was warm, clear and from the cliffs above, appeared as a glittering, shimmering, azure carpet, covering the circular bay.     

Greece, so soon after radiotherapy had finished, was probably out.  I’d already agreed that with R, but Spain…I had no desire, however, to go away for a holiday with R, at this point in time.  It crossed my mind that I didn’t need HIM to go on holiday.  The thought nagged away in the back of my mind for days. Finally, I started looking up holidays on the net.  Fairly quickly, I found one.  Which seemed a bit prophetic.  Usually, I’m crap at finding stuff online.   

I put it aside but the thought kept nagging me.  I looked at the holiday I’d found twice more.  Finally, I sat in front of it, finger shivering over the ‘Enter’ button until, in a fit of irritation at my indecisiveness, I pressed go.  Whooooooo