18. Hmmmm

Message from I in the night. Good friends of ours from Spain are in East Anglia visiting. Given that I’m supposed to be going back to see family and I before I have surgery (next week then), the timing is good. EXCEPT since the Facebook comment I haven’t been communicating with I. I decide that it will be good to put this aside though and text her back. I tell her that she and R have to be on their best behaviour because I can’t take the stress of them bickering. She kicks off again.

Her main issue is that I’m putting R before her. I’ve made clear its not just her, that he will have to keep his mouth shut too but she doesn’t hear me. I know I’ve made big mistakes with her in the past, but I would have thought that she could see that what I’m facing is a pretty big deal and drop it. Obviously this isn’t the case.

Two or three messages later I decide that not only am I not going home to visit, that I will, at least temporarily have to break off contact with her. I CAN’T have my state of mind so off kilter before bloody life changing surgery.

The main thing I’m thinking/feeling is that I’m surprised that she is unable to support me when I really need her to. I really thought she was a better person than this. Putting aside the hurt, its making me reassess her as a person. She obviously isn’t who I thought she was.

Hmm. Food for thought.



I didn’t tell R about any of this, because he was angry enough about the Facebook comment. He could obviously tell that I was upset anyway though, because he gave me a huge hug. I had a good cry and then felt better. I can’t believe it really. I feel as if I’ve judged everybody wrong, the heroes aren’t the people I thought they were and love and respect seem to be everywhere, apart from the places I assumed they were.