26. One week post-op

Well. It’s been a bit of a week since my op. SO much has happened that I can’t really believe so little time has passed.

On the very plus side, I is much more sorted out and happier. I can see now that she was just really scared and stressed. Bless her. I’m speaking to her most days (at her insistence). She is SO much better I feel quite guilty about how awful she must have been feeling. Her Facebook messages have been very random but still all related to me and the cancer, so it’s obviously been foremost in her mind. I’ve had a bit of a baking binge on lately so sent her some cheese straws. Her next request is Yorkshire puddings. In the post; they’d be like rocks!

R had a bit of a blip, not sure what was going on, and he’s so reticent about what he’s thinking and feeling that I’m still not really sure. Anyway, he was so weird that I went home for 4 days. No real big deal, although it was quite hard being on my own so soon after an op. I felt quite surreal really. I was initially very nervous of my boob but there was no real reason. I had no problems with it. No real soreness. I was wearing my big supportive bra, bought specially for after the op. Fine in the house but outside it made me feel alternately like someone’s granny or like an invalid.

So. No real pain. Fear of the unknown for a wound really, never having had one before. The wound was dressed by the nurse on Saturday. I had no intention of looking at it because I’m ridiculously squeamish at the best of times and this was hardly that. Still. I did. And it was OK. A bit of a shock, but no where near as bad as it could have been. And given that this was only 2 days post op, not bad at all really. The shape of my boob has actually been improved by the op. It has been pulled up a bit so is far less saggy than the right side. My nipple is facing forwards for the first time in 20 years. Yes, the bruising is bad, and the blue die is unsightly, but they’re temporary. There IS a flat area where the tumour was removed. But looking at it, from the front AND sideways, it is obvious to even the uninformed that this would be really easily corrected by a small implant. Hey! Good news! Of course, they’re no longer a matching pair, but now I’m not scared of surgery anymore, having them balanced out is something I think I’ll go for.

IF. Big if. IF I don’t need a mastectomy. But how cool is that? That my biggest fear now has to be that of having my boob removed? Because it looks as if the lymph nodes ARE clear, so if they are, it probably won’t have spread elsewhere into a secondary cancer.