Had the wound dressed for the third time. Very nice practise nurse. Different one to last time. The wound is very clean and sealed. So good in fact that she took the steri strips (no stitches at all) off. It didn’t hurt at all although a couple pulled areas of the scab off causing a very small amount of localised bleeding.
I asked her again about the lumpiness. She also said fluid, but I wasn’t convinced. She was really nice but I got the impression she was trying to reassure me.
The worst bit about all of this is that I feel so much like I’m on my own. I could be developing / finding another lump and no one really seems to listen. I KNOW I’m neurotic about this but WHAT IF?
Later on today I went to get another bra. The one I had for hospital is OK, sensible, practical but I feel like I’m wearing my granny’s underwear. The assistant in Bravissimo was really young but very helpful. She suggested I try lots of stuff on to see what worked. I wanted a bra that supported the operated side, to support it, to reduce the chances of fluid building up. The assistant stayed in the room while I was changing. Given that so far only the nurses have seen my boob, not even R, I had a pang of self consciousness and didn’t know if I could but then thought, I’ve had bloody breast cancer, NO ONE wants it or chooses it and I really have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. So I whipped off the bra and tried loads on. She made suggestions and we had a chat. Turned out she’d just qualified as a teacher but hadn’t managed to find a job yet. I finally settled on a bra that was rigidly supportive but not too tight on the smaller side and still just about manageable on the larger side.
The operated side has reduced by 3 cup sizes. Amazing, considering when my bra is on the difference doesn’t show. No wonder Mr H. (consultant) suggested a reduction. NOOOOO. I’ll have an implant instead AND a lift on the unaltered side. I like my big boobs and if I can come out of this with nicer boobs than before, so much the better!
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