The day after, it was R’s son’s graduation. I was meant to go out to dinner with his family, I even got dressed, deliberately not looking at my boob while I was showering. I put make up on, my red shoes, pearls (pretending to be demure – doesn’t fool anyone other than me). The whole time I felt unreal. I could feel my neck was stiff and popped painkillers, raiding his stash of codeine, but I should have known.
Eventually I gave in and went to bed. He came back, seemed to be pissed off with me for not making an effort (I felt guilty at the time WTF) but it was inevitable. After he’d gone, I got up again and went home. I didn’t want to deal with his mood and my own bed felt good.
It lasted until lunchtime the next day. Unbelievably, when the migraine started to recede, I could appreciate it. It had COMPLETELY taken my mind off the cancer for almost 24 hours.
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